doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
