the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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