so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
