I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
