she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
