The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
