i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
