I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
