are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
