I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
