you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
