me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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