Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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