We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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