I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
3pm strippers are depressing
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
