this beer tastes like vomit already
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
