U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
