I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Duck Duck Cougar?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
