from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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