She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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