He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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