Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There's always time for handjobs
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
