There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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