Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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