Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
