I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
