So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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