i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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