I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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