They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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