The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
3pm strippers are depressing
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
