Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
