my phone needs a breathalizer
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
