So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
