I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
