It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
