I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
