woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
