why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
