I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He has the fingertips of a God
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