my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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