i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
