I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
