would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
