My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
