He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
