A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
