he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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