So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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