your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
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I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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