Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
