yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
