You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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